Colossal rage inducer

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Finally, I came back to playing Shadow of the Colossus. After the bout with the third colossus, I may take another lengthy break. Let me explain:

What I quickly discovered this time around is that Colossus requires some patience. Patience to travel through the land in search for your next target, to find the opponent’s weak and vital points, to climb it, to hold on for dear life, and finally to win the day.

All require patience.

Tonight I had none.

The fight takes place atop a high platform in the middle of a lake. Like the previous colossus, you have to wait for an opportunity to climb up. With this one, you have to wait for an overhead attack to be able to climb up the guy’s arm… only you can’t climb all the way up because a huge stone ring is blocking your way. Take note that there’s a stone circle in the middle of the platform. Find a way to get he colossus to do an overhead attack right on this circle; it’ll break his gauntlet previously blocking your path. Once you’re able to climb up the arm, you have two vital points from which to choose. The easiest, I think, is the one on the belly. Get there, stab it a few times, then off to the tippy top of its head. Only…I have yet to find an easy way up there.

The best way I found so far is to climb up the back, but you’re again impeded by its…armor? I’d climb to the left arm if Wander WASN’T FREAKING RETARDED AT CLIMBING! Whew, excuse me. A little residual gamer rage. I can’t tell you how many times I fell off. Reminiscing now will only bring out horrific flashbacks of my time in ‘Nam. Once you’ve fallen, you have to run run run all around this little modest space until the colossus tries to smash you with another overhead. This wouldn’t be too much of a problem if it didn’t have two other attacks to choose from: a vertical stab, and a stomp attack. The overhead sends its weapon down, crashing to your level just long enough for you to run up its arm and grab hold.

Then there’s that pesky camera. Like auto correct on our new age smart phones, Colossus’ camera likes to seize the reigns – y’know, to f**k with you. Most annoying is when you’re trying to see where you’re climbing, or where the colossus is while you’re running. You need to be at a certain distance away to (hopefully) trigger the desired attack. I found myself constantly fighting with the camera to see what I needed to see. Damn auto correct.

After loads of unsuccessful attempts to reach the top, and minutes of just running around trying to trigger the proper attack, I tried for another strategy. I found that hiding underneath the platform, on the pathway that brought you up there in the first place, the colossus gets confused and wanders about looking for you. I thought popping back up while it was far enough away would eventually get it to bring down the hammer, so to speak. I was on the cusp of delirious anger at the time, seemed like a good idea…

Ever get tired? Thumb starts to hurt, get sore, or just plain numb? Yeah.

I eventually started falling off the platform all together. Four times. Fall, swim, climb…fall, swim, climb…rinse and repeat -_-

Believe me when I say that I haven’t been this mad at a video game since playing Mirror’s Edge. I mean full on Hulking out, throw the controller at the defenseless TV, scream out the kind of profanity that would make a vulgar sailor curl up in a dark corner and rock himself to sleep just to escape it all. Of course, I would have actually done all those things if not for my Jiminy Cricket reminding me that I have only one controller and one TV. So screaming profanity in tongues was all I could actually do.

Right now, I am calming my quivering nerves with Sherlock, Series 2. Ah, that’s better.

…’Til we meet again, Shadow of the Colossus…

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